You are Unusual
by amy6776
Summary: After sparring Nikita and Alex have a heart to heart while feelings become open and possibilities start to become more real. Femslash. This doesn't have a set point but it's just a random moment and I enjoyed writing it regardless so hopefully yall enjoy reading anyways.


**This doesn't follow a story line, it was just something I was imagining after watching season two of Nikita. Sorry if this offends anyone and I apologize for any grammar mistakes I've made but I hope yall enjoy it, it was interesting to write.**

**Disclaimer: To be honest, I actually own Nikita and have the rights to do what I want with it, but because of the actors and the editors, I had to rewrite Nikita from how I originally wanted it to end so this is me writing out what I intentionally planned to happen...Forgive and forget that rather lengthy long sentence because obviously I do not own anything..there is your actual disclaimer ;)**

Nikita and I had been sparring for the last three hours, sweat had already began to build up on top of our skin, and the air inside the living room in her house had long before started to thicken and get a humid feel that I disliked immensely. She was trying to push me until I gave into fatigue and exhaustion to when I could go no longer but I refused to give into it even to take in a second more of air to try and catch my breath.

"Finished yet?" She asked me with amusement as I dodged yet another blow aimed at my face.

I tried to counter attack her but the second I lifted up my leg to kick her in the side she bent down and grabbed it only to bring my legs out from under me. My back hit the floor hard and all the air in my lungs left me feeling pain and the need to breath became unbearable. Nikita stood over me and I focused on anything but the smile hinted on her lips and watched as she was catching her breath as well.

After a moment I swung my legs and swiftly knocked her off balance but that was all I needed, I just needed a second and I twisted, causing her to fall over and land on the floor near me. It didn't take me long to jump up and straddle her, quickly grabbing her wrists to force her back down but she had time and experience on her side and flipped us over and once again I was on my back though this time I was pinned down roughly.

I rolled my eyes and took the time to get my breathing under control while she was leaning over me with a smirk. The heat between us felt demanding and the room felt like there was not enough air for both of us anymore but still, the smirk on her face was stimulating enough for a smart ass comment.

"If we wouldn't have been at it for hours then beating you wouldn't have been a problem." I said cheeky like. She let go of my wrists and leaned up but made no move to get off of me.

"You need to be ready to defend yourself for 'hours', you will eventually be on a mission where you have to hold up till reinforcements arrive or if anything, if you can fight without stop, it will be to you're advantage. Even some of the best fighters need breaks, not everyone can just keep pushing."

I rolled my eyes again at her, "Is that you're way of saying I'm special? Because it isn't really flattering."

She quickly got off of me when I had shifted my hips to get more comfortable, "You are special regardless if I say it in one way or another but no that was not a compliment, it was just a fact." Her voice had a slight edge to it that made me get up as well. Somehow the situation had changed within a few moments and I was left obviously not the wiser.

"How do you say something sweet one second before you become indifferent?" I asked, not moving but yet I made her eyes stop their tracts as she hastily met my eyes.

"That is just how you perceive things I say, which reminds me that we have to talk about this problem."

I wished I could have pretended that I had no idea about what she was hinting at but I couldn't and she would instantly see through any lie I threw at her. "There is no problem." I tried to reason but she wouldn't have any of it.

"Alex, you know what I'm talking about." Nikita crossed her arms and for a second looked annoyed which in turn made me slightly defensive.

"It's not a problem, nothing has changed at all, and the 'problem' hasn't made our partnership any more or less difficult so as far as I am concerned, there is no problem between us."

It didn't take Nikita long before she realized my feelings, it was as if I was silently projecting them to her because after I had realized it myself she figured it out less than a week after that.

"Alex.." She started to say but I cut her off.

"Everything was fine until you brought it up. I didn't do anything and I have not acted on it yet you are the one complaining." I went to the table and grabbed my bottle of water that had already gotten warm but regardless I swallowed it, thankful for wetting my throat. "I can't help it, this isn't my idea of some fairytale."

"That isn't what I meant, I just don't want things to be awkward and yes I'm aware that I am making it awkward but I can't help it, I don't know how to always act around you."

That simple statement kicked me off the edge, "You don't know how to act around me? How do you think I feel? I fell in love with you and it's you that is determined to stay unreachable and not let anyone in because you're afraid."

Seemed like Nikita was tired just as much as me of tiptoeing around the whole situation, luckily Michael, Birkoff, and Sean was no where around to see any of this.

"Don't you see Alex? You fell in love with a lie. You fell in love with me because you believed I had saved and rescued you but all of it was a lie because I wasn't the person who saved you, I was the person that destroyed your life and not only that, I gave you away to someone who sold you like a worthless piece of trash to be used and raped repeatedly. You shouldn't love me, no you should resent and hate me. You shouldn't forgive me, I can't even forgive myself."

I hadn't expected that, at most, I thought she would reject me by saying my feelings were not returned but by her confession, she didn't mention her feelings at all, only that my feelings were misguided. I had figured she had gotten over the past and forgave herself but I was wrong on that level. However, I knew I wasn't wrong and the love I felt was not founded on the basis of some deception. I just couldn't get her to see it.

"Do you want me to hate you?" It was all I could ask but I knew her answer even before she said yes in that defiant tone so I did the only thing I could think of, I called her out on it. "You only want me to hate you because it would make things easier for you."

Nikita quickly cut me off, "That's ridiculous but all means."

"Bullshit, it's easier to hate yourself when everyone else hates you am I not right? It's easier to hide you're feelings for someone that hates you. It just makes things more manageable and you know I am right. You could convince yourself that we could never be if I were to hate you but I don't."

She shook her head while I had stood there a few feet away, not backing away or letting the subject drop. She had brought it up but I was determined to not let her end it with things left unsaid for it to just fill up this void between us that was growing.

"You are a fool to think that we could work Alex, even you could see the million reasons why it shouldn't and couldn't work out."

I took a step to her but that was it. "Do you return my feelings? And don't even think about lying to me." I said with as much force as I could but she raised her eyebrow like she had just received a challenge. "Is you inability to forgive the reason why nothing could ever happen between us because if that is the case then we can easily work past that."

"It isn't just that, why can't you understand?"

"Understand what? That we're both girls? That we both will never have a normal life anymore? That we were both screwed over by division? Why do we not deserve to be happy?" I started to rant while I paced the floor, racking my brain to find every excuse that could be used but there were too many to name. "I can't help how I feel and it won't go away even if we both want it to."

Without noticing she had walked up to me and placed her hand on my shoulder to stop my movement. I didn't look up at her because I couldn't, my heart felt like it was racing. "I owe you my life, in more ways that one because... because of you, I might still be stuck in division. But still, because of me, you're life was ruined. Do you not think about what would have happened if you're father was never killed? I do all the time. Do you realize that I can not give you the life you want? I do."

My eyes were still on the floor, tears could have easily came to my eyes but our training had helped me control my emotions better. "I don't want that big house with the white picket fence. I just want you."

"But I don't want that for you."

Finally due to stubbornness I glanced up at her and seen her broken expression, one that I rarely seen and like before, it broke my heart again into pieces. "I don't care." For the first time, I acted on my feelings for Nikita, this unattainable woman, and leaned in and kissed her. My body was still hot from earlier but it was comforting.

The kiss was short and chaste, so pure and simple. It wasn't filled with the lust I had for her nor the love that I felt, no it was filled with affirmation that I wasn't going no where, that I would always stay and fight for and with her. I was tired of running and I had long found my home in Nikita that I knew I could never just walk away again, regardless of if any more lurking truths came out in the open. I was there.

I felt a small trail of wetness touch the side of my cheek and I realized that she was crying ever slightly and almost unnoticeable. I broke our first and possibly last kiss and watched as I unconsciously reached up and dried her face, removing any trace of the proof anguish. "If that were to be the last time my lips ever touched yours, that I would be thankful that there was a last time."

Nikita smiled briefly and rested her forehead against mine while she just started into my eyes, I had no idea what she saw but I hoped anyways that the saw the possibilities that I easily saw. "I do love you Alexandra Udinov." My name rolled off of her lips like silk and sweet nectar and I my body shivered at the sound, not only how she pronounced my name with such emotion but by her admission. It had taken months but it was all in the open now. "Never doubt that...but I have a few things I need to figure out on my own before I can give you myself completely."

I felt satisfied with that but I whispered okay and looked at at her lips, "Can I kiss you once more until then?"

I watched that smile that I loved ease on her face and before I could interpret that as a yes she leaned down just a little and caught my lips in a more vigorous kiss than earlier. I moved my lips against hers this time and moved my arms to wrap around her and I pulled her flush against me. Her tongue eased into my mouth and for the first time I tasted her. It was a unique feeling and my stomach and head was swarmed with a lightheaded feeling that took me on a trip better thank any drug had given me.

It only last a few moments but it was perfect and my mind was already in overdrive trying to remember every detail I had just experienced down to the warmth of her tongue, the feel of her body against mine, the sound of a slight sigh that escaped her lips when she deepened our kiss. Everything was being stored into long term memory until the time I could experience it again.

What she didn't realize, that not only did she give me a memory of her in a more intimate way, but she also gave me a promise that this wouldn't be the last time, unconsciously she gave me a promise that one day we could be together.

"I had imagined this in several different ways but they never came to this result." I teased after she broke away from me.

"What did you expect?"

I shook my head, "I don't know but I didn't expect this to happen."

"One day, we'll be together, just be patient with me Alex."

I caressed her cheek once before I moved away and gave her some space, "I will wait as long as I have to."

Nikita nodded and looked around, "We need a bath, we're both sweaty." That statement cause me to raise my eyebrow but she threw me a mischief look and rolled her eyes and my seemingly perverted ways. "And no, you can not join me in the shower."

"Ты такая необычная." I commented. (You are so unsual)

"Why yes I am." She said as if she was proud and I laughed, watching as she walked up the stairs while I turned and grabbed my clothes and headed to the shower downstairs.

The evening had went in such a direction that even I couldn't predict, but I loved this woman and every day I realized more and more that I wanted to spend my life with her. She was support that I needed, she was the thought that helped me survive, because no longer did I have only myself and memories of my family pulling me through, no I had her as well and she was just as strong and important in my life and anything else.

Whether she realized it or not, she had saved my life and continued to do so even without regards to her own safety. I knew that we could make it whenever the chance of us became a reality and I couldn't wait till that day. As I went into the bathroom I looked in the mirror to see if anything had changed but the only thing noticeable, was the small hope that started to fill my eyes because now, I had even more of a reason to continue fighting.


End file.
